Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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