After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
