She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
