i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
