I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
