jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
