You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
