nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
