Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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