you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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