I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
