Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
