so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
