I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
