does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
