u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
