you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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