No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize