My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
