this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Two words: nipple clamps
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