You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
