My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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