can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
