saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
