Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
