yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
