Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize