He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
