I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
