Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
