hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
