Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
