I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
