farters have to be the big spoon...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
