Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
