the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We are all done wearing pants today
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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