You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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