barbara walters just said penis...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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