OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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