My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
