And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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