At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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