I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
