she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
