Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
