how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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