I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
