take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
