and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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