dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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