she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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