Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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