I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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