I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
