If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
