We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
