Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
