someone get that fucking seahorse.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
