I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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