whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
