Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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