At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
