well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize