Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
