if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
