Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Vodka?
Forever.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
