I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
