whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
