I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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