i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
