I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
