Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
