K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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