I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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