An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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