The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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