It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
