I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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