I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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