I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
