i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
