i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
