Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
